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Born Free

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It felt warm and tender. I wondered how it would be to leave this nest and go out to face the world. It was exciting but at the same time it terrified me. The world as I see it is bad and ugly, rude and heartless. I doubted if there was place in it for me- a child born of RAPE! I had heard the word so many times and it echoed as it passed through the womb I lay curled in. The woman who is to give birth to me was already being called by a number of names- witch, slut, bitch, wretched creature… I don’t know why, I don’t understand either. All I know is that to me she would be the world; I will call her “mother”. She talks to me every night and I listen to her silent sobs, feeling helpless that I cannot wipe them. She tells me of that stormy night when a rogue exploited her and left her with nothing – no honor, no happiness and no respect. The only thing he left behind was me. I am a mistake he made, a trace he left behind, a puzzle to the mystery the investigators are trying to so
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Because I am a girl?

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“Don’t be a girl!” – I heard my 9 year old neighbor Prashant tell his friend. Both boys sniggered at this, exchanged hi-fives and continued with their game of football with the “gang”. I was 12 years then and pretended to not hear them as I whizzed past them on my ladybird bicycle. I am not sure of the exact emotion that went through my mind at that precise moment. I think it was anger “how dare he say that!?” or maybe a hurt ego although it was not a comment directed at me. Or maybe it was the fact that they didn’t even notice me, a girl on the cycle. All I remember of that incident was that more than wanting to ignore them, I had wanted to get out from there as soon as possible and had sped away on my cycle. Was I ashamed or just angry? I had just heard a line, and a laugh, and knew nothing of the context of the statement, but I had just wanted to disappear. I was 12 and they were 9, but for some strange reason I felt like the smaller one that day because
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Through the looking glass

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What do you see when you look at yourself in the mirror? What are you really trying to see when you adjust your hair or put on that extra dash of lipstick? Well a seemingly stupid question I suppose? I mean of course the mirror reflects how we look and we want to look our best of course! We have all at some point or the other spoken about or atleast thought to ourselves about how wrong it is to be judgemental, to be a critic without knowing the other person or just how inhuman it is to not put oneself into the other’s shoes when we raise a finger at someone. And yet for those few moments before the mirror, we become the toughest of critics, the most judgemental beings and become objects of scrutiny by our own selves. Every crease on the face, every dark patch below the eyes, every blotch on the skin and every tiny detailing of the hair comes under the toughest scrutiny and oh! How unforgiving we can get to be ! When we stand in front of these adorned pieces o
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The Race

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I ve been running a long time A race of whether its yours or mine It did not matter if my legs were shaking Or if my mind was numb with all the thinking I had to run, lest I should be left behind But I knew not for whom or what to find I passed by green meadows of fragrant flowers But I could not pause, nor did I have such powers I felt myself grow older with each lap I ran But I could not stop to think why it all began I had to run, lest I should be left behind But I knew not for whom or what to find I heard a few voices, familiar they did sound I glimpsed a few faces, cheerful and round Stop and talk whispered my racing heart No ! shrieked my mind, just run, jump and dart I had to run, lest I should be left behind But I knew not for whom or what to find Another runner passed me, and another followed Everyone was running, run faster my mind bellowed It was a race where everyone was running A little faster, a little further
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I, me , myself

I put down the cup of steaming hot chocolate and licked my lips savoring the last drop of it. Absolutely delicious and sinfully pampering. I smiled and thanked the chirpy waiter who dutifully collected the whopping charges for the drink. It was 6 pm, time to head back after a day of walking through the streets of mylapore, complete with a snack at saravana bhavan, darshan at kapali temple, a walk by the beach,a  splurge of shopping. and of course that sinful cuppa of the magical concoction they call "chocolate". I felt tired, but content. I don't remember the last time I did any of these in the company of just myself. After all it is taken for granted that there s someone around always, parents, siblings, neighbors, that gang from school, your college buddies, hostel roomates, office acquaintances. After all any company is better than no company right?  But today was different. I got up feeling refreshed and excited about the day. I was going to go out and h
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everything at once !

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Have you ever come across these statements that just seem to make perfect sense? A rhetorical question perhaps or just an offhand statement that jolts you out of your self-absorbed cocooned existence? Well, the choicest pick for me in this regard would be "one thing at a time" . This is probably the first lesson that my kindergarten teacher taught me when she taught me to put multi-colored loops of decreasing radii around a stand , that I do it one at a time and break-down that mammoth task into a game that was almost fun to play! This was also what my mother taught me when I tried to stuff it a handful of home-made banana chips at one go and nearly choked- pick one at a time, that way you can relish it and guess what , eat more too ! Throughout childhood, this became a mantra- focus on one thing at a time and the world seemed a perfect place and life a beautiful journey, until...well until we grew up right? I wonder if it is possible to live
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Bittersweet Symphony

The night was dark, no moon, no star Thunder raged on like a soldier in war
 A streak of lightning stared me in the eye 
I stared back, my eyes too dry to cry

 The pain was fresh, the wound still raw
 A fate so cruel, that never before I saw
 My hands reached out and shook in fear
 the wind roared "he is no more here!"

 Why did you leave my side so soon!?
 had not you promised to bring me the moon!?
 Those kind eyes I longed to see, those strong arms that cared
 If only I was taken and you had been spared! 

It was a crash so deafening
 yet I did not hear a thing
 Except the silent tears you shed 
Even as you lay cold and dead.. 

I lay on my bed, lost in a trance
 my spirits rose though just a nuance
 My lips curved into a tremulous smile
 knowing you are watching me all the while 

Dew drops on roses so fresh
 soothed me like a mother's caress
 the golden rays seeped gently in 
as though to cl
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